There are many verses in the Qur’an which talk about war, and during these times of war Muslims were fighting against those who wished to persecute them, those who wished to stop the message of Allah from spreading, through violence. Allah did not command his Prophet peace be upon him to sit back and let this happen, Allah commanded the Muslims to defend themselves, and fight against those who wish to cause them harm.
In the Qur’an, there’s a command from Allah SWT which says:
فَإِذَا انسَلَخَ الأَشهُرُ الحُرُمُ فَاقتُلُوا المُشرِكينَ حَيثُ وَجَدتُموهُم وَخُذوهُم وَاحصُروهُم وَاقعُدوا لَهُم كُلَّ مَرصَدٍ ۚ فَإِن تابوا وَأَقامُوا الصَّلاةَ وَآتَوُا الزَّكاةَ فَخَلّوا سَبيلَهُم ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ غَفورٌ رَحيمٌ
When the [four] forbidden months are over, wherever you encounter the idolaters, kill them, seize them, besiege them, wait for them at every lookout postQuran 9:5
Someone with a lack of context on this verse will think this is simply a horrid command from God to kill others. However, when you dig deeper and you understand why this command was given, it becomes clear.
This verse was revealed to the Prophet peace be upon him due to pagans of Quraish violating a peace treaty(Treaty of Hudaibiyah):
According to the terms of the treaty of Hudaibiyah, the Arab tribes were given the option to join either of the parties, the Muslims or Quraish, with which they desired to enter into treaty alliance. Should any of these tribes suffer aggression, then the party to which it was allied would have the right to retaliate. As a consequence, Banu Bakr joined Quraish, and Khuza’ah joined the Prophet. They thus lived in peace for sometime but ulterior motives stretching back to pre-Islamic period ignited by unabated fire of revenge triggered fresh hostilities. Banu Bakr, without caring a bit for the provisions of the treaty, attacked Banu Khuza’ah in a place called Al-Wateer in Sha’ban, 8 A.H. Quraish helped Banu Bakr with men and arms taking advantage of the dark night. Pressed by their enemies, the tribesmen of Khuza’ah sought the Holy Sanctuary, but here too, their lives were not spared, and, contrary to all accepted traditions, Nawfal, the chief of Banu Bakr, chasing them in the sanctified area — where no blood should be shed — massacred his adversaries.
When the aggrieved party sought justice from their Muslim allies, the Prophet, as their leader, demanded an immediate redress for not only violating the treaty but also slaying men allied to him in the sanctified area.
Three demands were made, the acceptance of any one of them was imperative:
a) to pay blood money for the victims of Khuza’ah,
b) to terminate their alliance with Banu Bakr; or
c) to consider the truce to have been nullified.
The Sealed Nectar pg. 388-389
This behavior on the part of Quraish was clearly a breach of the treaty of Al-Hudaibiyah and was obviously an act of hostility against the allies of the Muslims, i.e. Banu Khuza’ah. Quraish immediately realized the grave situation and feared the horrible consequences looming on the horizon.
أَلا تُقاتِلونَ قَومًا نَكَثوا أَيمانَهُم وَهَمّوا بِإِخراجِ الرَّسولِ وَهُم بَدَءوكُم أَوَّلَ مَرَّةٍ ۚ أَتَخشَونَهُم ۚ فَاللَّهُ أَحَقُّ أَن تَخشَوهُ إِن كُنتُم مُؤمِنينَ
How could you not fight a people who have broken their oaths, who tried to drive the Messenger out, who attacked you first? Do you fear them? It is God you should fear if you are true believers.Quran 9:13
Could it not be more clear from the Qur’an itself that this was a retaliation? You simply have to read a few verses ahead to conclude that this war is being fought in self-defense. These were people who violated a peace treaty which was set beforehand:
كَيفَ وَإِن يَظهَروا عَلَيكُم لا يَرقُبوا فيكُم إِلًّا وَلا ذِمَّةً ۚ يُرضونَكُم بِأَفواهِهِم وَتَأبىٰ قُلوبُهُم وَأَكثَرُهُم فاسِقونَ
[How,] when, if they were to get the upper hand over you, they would not respect any tie with you, of kinship or treaty? They please you with their tongues, but their hearts are against you and most of them are lawbreakers“Quran 9:8
Regardless of their clear violation, Allah SWT still told the Muslims to protect any idolaters who did not want to fight, and who were seeking protection:
وَإِن أَحَدٌ مِنَ المُشرِكينَ استَجارَكَ فَأَجِرهُ حَتّىٰ يَسمَعَ كَلامَ اللَّهِ ثُمَّ أَبلِغهُ مَأمَنَهُ ۚ ذٰلِكَ بِأَنَّهُم قَومٌ لا يَعلَمونَ
If any one of the idolaters should seek your protection [Prophet], grant it to him so that he may hear the word of God, then take him to a place safe for him, for they are people with no knowledge [of it]Quran 9:6
This is why context is always important, and why you should not simply cherry-pick verses you see, just because they “look” bad to you.
To continue, throughout chapter nine, Allah is giving a command to fight against those who wrong the Muslims:
قاتِلُوا الَّذينَ لا يُؤمِنونَ بِاللَّهِ وَلا بِاليَومِ الآخِرِ وَلا يُحَرِّمونَ ما حَرَّمَ اللَّهُ وَرَسولُهُ وَلا يَدينونَ دينَ الحَقِّ مِنَ الَّذينَ أوتُوا الكِتابَ حَتّىٰ يُعطُوا الجِزيَةَ عَن يَدٍ وَهُم صاغِرونَ
Fight those of the People of the Book who do not [truly] believe in God and the Last Day, who do not forbid what God and His Messenger have forbidden, who do not obey the rule of justice, until they pay the tax and agree to submitQuran 9:29
To understand why this is being said, there needs to be context added to the situation that took place. This verse is a distinct response to aggression, in particular, the assassination of one of the Prophet’s ambassadors by the Byzantine Romans and other hostile powers who were planning an invasion against the Muslims in Arabia:
The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, had sent Al-Harith ibn Umair Al-Azdi on an errand to carry a letter to the ruler of Busra. On his way, he was intercepted by Sharhabeel ibn Amr Al-Ghassani, the governor of Al-Balqa and a close ally to Caesar, the Byzantine Emperor. Al-Harith was tied and beheaded by Al-Ghassani.The Sealed Nectar pg. 383
I never remained behind Allah’s Messenger from any expedition which he undertook except the Battle of Tabuk and that of the Battle of Badr. So far as the Battle of Badr is concerned, nobody was blamed for remaining behind as Allah’s Messenger and the Muslims (did not set out for attack but for waylaying) the caravan of the Quraish, but it was Allah Who made them confront their enemies without their intention (to do so). I had the honor to be with Allah’s Messenger on the night of ‘Aqaba when we pledged our allegiance to Islam and it was more dear to me than my participation in the Battle of Badr, although Badr was more popular amongst people as compared with that (Tabuk). And this is my story of remaining back from Allah’s Messenger on the occasion of the Battle of TABUK. Never did I possess means enough and (my circumstances) more favorable than at the occasion of this expedition. And, by Allah, I had never before this expedition simultaneously in my possession two rides. Allah’s Messenger set out for this expedition in extremely hot season; the journey was long and the land (which he and his army had to cover) was waterless and HE HAD TO CONFRONT A LARGE ARMY, so he informed the Muslims about the actual situation (they had to face), so that they should adequately equip themselves for this expedition, and he also told them the destination where he intended to go.Sahih Muslim 2769a,b
I heard Ka’b bin Malik (May Allah be pleased with him) narrating the story of his remaining behind instead of joining Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) when he left for the battle of Tabuk. Ka’b said: “I accompanied Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) in every expedition which he undertook excepting the battle of Tabuk and the battle of Badr. As for the battle of Badr, nobody was blamed for remaining behind as Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) and the Muslims, when they set out, had in mind only to intercept the caravan of the Quraish. Allah made them confront their enemies unexpectedly. I had the honor of being with Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) on the night of ‘Aqabah when we pledged our allegiance to Islam and it was dearer to me than participating in the battle of Badr, although Badr was more well-known among the people than that. And this is the account of my staying behind from the battle of Tabuk. I never had better means and more favorable circumstances than at the time of this expedition. And by Allah, I had never before possessed two riding-camels as I did during the time of this expedition. Whenever Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) decided to go on a campaign, he would not disclose his real destination till the last moment (of departure). But on this expedition, he set out in extremely hot weather; the journey was long and the terrain was waterless desert; and he had to face a strong army, so he informed the Muslims about the actual position so that they should make full preparation for the campaign.Riyad as-Salihin 21
The Byzantine army were already there, ready, and equipped to go to war. This news had reached the Muslims that the Ghassanid tribe, which was part of the Byzantine (Roman) empire were preparing to attack the Muslim community:
I left her (and went home). At that time I had a friend from the Ansar who used to bring news (from the Prophet) in case of my absence, and I used to bring him the news if he was absent. In those days we were afraid of one of the kings of Ghassan tribe. We heard that he intended to move and attack us, so fear filled our hearts because of that. (One day) my Ansari friend unexpectedly knocked at my door, and said, “Open Open!’ I said, ‘Has the king of Ghassan come?’ He said, ‘No, but something worse; Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) has isolated himself from his wives.Sahih al-Bukhari 4913
I had a friend from the Ansar. When I had been absent (from the company of the Holy Prophet) he used to bring me the news and when he had been absent I used to bring him the news, and at that time we dreaded a king of Ghassan. It was mentioned to us that he intended to attack us, and our minds were haunted by him. My friend, the Ansari, came to me, and he knocked at the door and said: Open it, open it. I said: Has the Ghassani come? He said: (The matter is) more serious than that. The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) has separated himself from his wives.Sahih Muslim 1479b
My house was in Al-Awali among those of Banu Umayyah, and I had a neighbor among the Ansar, and he and I would take turns visiting the Messenger of Allah.’ He said: ‘One day I would visit him and bring the news of the Revelations, and other than that, and one day he would visit him and bring the same. We heard stories that Ghassan were preparing their horses to attack us. He said: ‘One day he came to me in the evening and knocked on my door, so I went out to him. He said: “A horrible thing has happened.” I said: “Ghassan has come?” He said: “Worse than that. The Messenger of Allah has divorced his wivesJami` at-Tirmidhi Vol. 5, Book 44, Hadith 3318
By the time the Muslim army got to Tabuk, to face the enemy, they found that the Byzantine army had fled. So what did the Muslims do to those Christians and Jews that were allies of the Byzantine, and had sided with them against the Muslims? No harm was inflicted on any Christian or Jew:
حَدَّثَنَا سَهْلُ بْنُ بَكَّارٍ، حَدَّثَنَا وُهَيْبٌ، عَنْ عَمْرِو بْنِ يَحْيَى، عَنْ عَبَّاسٍ السَّاعِدِيِّ، عَنْ أَبِي حُمَيْدٍ السَّاعِدِيِّ، قَالَ غَزَوْنَا مَعَ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم تَبُوكَ، وَأَهْدَى مَلِكُ أَيْلَةَ لِلنَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم بَغْلَةً بَيْضَاءَ، وَكَسَاهُ بُرْدًا، وَكَتَبَ لَهُ بِبَحْرِهِمْ.
We accompanied the Prophet (ﷺ) in the Ghazwa of Tabuk and the king of ‘Aila presented a white mule and a cloak as a gift to the Prophet. And the Prophet (ﷺ) wrote to him a peace treaty allowing him to keep authority over his country.Sahih al-Bukhari 3161
Tabuk make terms. When in the year 9 AH the Prophet marched to Tabuk in Syria for the invasion of those of the Greeks, Amilah, Lakhm, Judham and others whom he learnt had assembled against him, he met no resistance. So he spent a few days in Tabuk, whose inhabitants made terms with him agreeing to pay poll-tax(Jizyah).Kitab Futuh Al-Buldan vol. 1, p. 92
Sometimes you will hear the argument that the Prophet converted them “by the sword” but as you can see with the clear proof here, that wasn’t the case. These tribes were guilty of siding with the Byzantine in harming the Muslims, yet when the Prophet peace be upon him had the opportunity to avenge them for what they did he instead left them alone. The treaty entailed that as long as they lived with the Muslims peaceful and did not try to harm them, then no harm would come to them in return.
We can take this further, in the Qur’an outside of chapter nine, other verses speak about fighting in the way of Allah saying:
وَاقتُلوهُم حَيثُ ثَقِفتُموهُم وَأَخرِجوهُم مِن حَيثُ أَخرَجوكُم ۚ وَالفِتنَةُ أَشَدُّ مِنَ القَتلِ ۚ وَلا تُقاتِلوهُم عِندَ المَسجِدِ الحَرامِ حَتّىٰ يُقاتِلوكُم فيهِ ۖ فَإِن قاتَلوكُم فَاقتُلوهُم ۗ كَذٰلِكَ جَزاءُ الكافِرينَ
Kill them wherever you encounter them and drive them out from where they drove you out, for persecution is more serious than killing. Do not fight them at the Sacred Mosque unless they fight you there. If they do fight you, kill them- this is what such disbelievers deserveQuran 2:191
The problem with this, again has to do with not reading the full chapter, and instead of grabbing out verses that “seem bad“. The verse right before this explains:
وَقاتِلوا في سَبيلِ اللَّهِ الَّذينَ يُقاتِلونَكُم وَلا تَعتَدوا ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لا يُحِبُّ المُعتَدينَ
Fight in God’s cause against those who fight you, but do not overstep the limits: God does not love those who overstep the limitsQuran 2:190
This is again speaking about those who are attacking the Muslims, persecuting them, and the Muslims are within their rights to defend themselves from harm. What about reading ahead two verses from (Quran 2:191) to see where it explains the persecution:
وَقاتِلوهُم حَتّىٰ لا تَكونَ فِتنَةٌ وَيَكونَ الدّينُ لِلَّهِ ۖ فَإِنِ انتَهَوا فَلا عُدوانَ إِلّا عَلَى الظّالِمينَ
Fight them until there is no more persecution, and worship is devoted to God. If they cease hostilities, there can be no [further] hostility, except towards aggressorsQuran 2:193
The Muslims should not have to sit back as their people are persecuted and killed, it is not wrong for them to defend themselves.
Again, another verse used against Islam from those cherry-pick things they don’t understand:
إِذ يوحي رَبُّكَ إِلَى المَلائِكَةِ أَنّي مَعَكُم فَثَبِّتُوا الَّذينَ آمَنوا ۚ سَأُلقي في قُلوبِ الَّذينَ كَفَرُوا الرُّعبَ فَاضرِبوا فَوقَ الأَعناقِ وَاضرِبوا مِنهُم كُلَّ بَنانٍ
Your Lord revealed to the angels: ‘I am with you: give the believers firmness; I shall put terror into the hearts of the disbelievers- strike above their necks and strike all their fingertipsQuran 8:12
This was revealed to the prophet peace be upon him at the Battle of Badr, which was a battle in which the disbelievers of Mecca traveled to kill Muslims in Madina. The pagans had 1000 soldiers, and the Muslims had only 300 soldiers. Even though Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him had left Mecca to find peace for its community without being persecuted, once again:
pg.210:The Muslim army was made up of 300-3 17 men, 82-86 Emigrants, 61 from Aws and 170 from Khazraj. They were not well-equipped nor adequately prepared. They had only two horses belonging to Az-Zubair bin Al-‘Awwam and Al-Miqdad bin Al-Aswad Al-Kindi, 70 camels, one for two or three men to ride alternatively.
pg.211:They therefore swiftly mustered almost all of their forces and none stayed behind except Abu Lahab, who delegated someone who owed him some money. They also mobilized some Arab tribes to contribute to the war against the Prophet. All the clans of Quraish gave their consent except Banu ‘Adi. Soon an excited throng of 1300 soldiers including 100 horsemen and 600 mailed soldiers with a large number of camels, was clamoring to proceed to fight the Muslims.
pg.212:The tyrant Abu Jahl, however haughtily and arrogantly insisted that they proceed to Badr, stay three nights there for making festivities. Now they wanted to punish the Muslims and prevent them from intercepting their caravans, and impress on the Arabs that Quraish still had the upper hand and enjoyed supremacy in that area. Abu Jahl’s threats and insistence notwithstanding, Banu Zahrah, acting on the advice of Al-Akhnas bin Shuraiq, broke away and returned to Makkah. Thenceforth Al-Akhnas remained ‘the well-rubbed palm tree’ for Bani Zahrah and was blindly obeyed in all relevant matters. Banu Hashim were also inclined to break away, but Abu Jahl’s threats made them desist from that idea. The rest of the army, now 1000 soldiers, approached Badr and encamped themselves beyond a sand dune at Al- Jdwat Al-Quswa.The Sealed Nectar pgs. 210-212
The Prophet peace be upon him had around 300 men and insufficient armor on the Muslim’s side. While there was a trained and heavily armed regiment of 1000 on the other side. Naturally, the Muslims were worried. At this time, the prophet prayed to God, and God revealed the verse (Quran 8:12) to the believers, giving them hope and letting them know that the disbelievers who committed those crimes will be punished now:
The Muslims, however, after supplicating their Lord, calling upon Him for assistance, were made to hold to their position and conduct a defensive war plan that was successful enough to inflict heavy losses on the attackers. The Prophet used to pray to his Lord ceaselessly persistently and day and night to come to their succour.
He(The Prophet) continued to call out to his Lord, stretching forth his hands and facing Al-Qiblah, until his cloak fell off his shoulders. Then Abu Bakr came, picked up the cloak, and put it back on his shoulders and said: “O Prophet of Allah, you have cried out enough to your Lord. He will surely fulfill what He has promised you.” Immediate was the response from Allah, Who sent down angels from the heavens for the help and assistance of the Prophet and his companions.
The Noble Qur’an observes:
اِذۡ يُوۡحِىۡ رَبُّكَ اِلَى الۡمَلٰۤٮِٕكَةِ اَنِّىۡ مَعَكُمۡ فَثَبِّتُوا الَّذِيۡنَ اٰمَنُوۡا ؕ سَاُلۡقِىۡ فِىۡ قُلُوۡبِ الَّذِيۡنَ كَفَرُوا الرُّعۡبَ فَاضۡرِبُوۡا فَوۡقَ الۡاَعۡنَاقِ وَاضۡرِبُوۡا مِنۡهُمۡ كُلَّ بَنَانٍؕ
“Verily, I am with you, so keep firm those who have believed. I will cast terror into the hearts of those who have disbelieved.”The Sealed Nectar pg. 220
With that, the Muslims came out victorious and those who were trying to persecute them or harm the Prophet peace be upon him were now vanquished.
The last verses, which are infamous for being used against Islam have to do with the Banu Qurayza Incident:
You who believe, remember God’s goodness to you when mighty armies massed against you: We sent a violent wind and invisible forces against them. God sees all that you do. They massed against you from above and below; your eyes rolled [with fear], your hearts rose into your throats, and you thought [ill] thoughts of God.
He brought those People of the Book who supported them down from their strongholds and put panic into their hearts. Some of them you [believers] killed and some you took captive. He passed on to you their land, their houses, their possessions, and a land where you had not set foot: God has power over everything.Quran 33:9-10, 33:26-27
Of course, before getting into the verses you have to understand the situation that was taking place. Banu Qurayza were a tribe who lived in Medina alongside the Muslims, had broken their treaty of non-hostility with the Muslims at the height of the Battle of the Trench, and wanted to attack them from within:
The Confederates came and camped outside Al-Madinah, Banu Qurayzah broke the covenant that existed between them and the Messenger of Allah. This happened by the agency of Huyay bin Akhtab An-Nadari, may Allah curse him, who entered their stronghold and would not leave their leader, Ka`b bin Asad, alone until he agreed to break the covenant. Among the things that he said to him was, “Woe to you! This is the opportunity for glory. The Quraysh and their company of men from various tribes, and the Ghatafan and their followers, have come to you, and they will stay here until they eliminate Muhammad and his companions.” Ka`b said to him, “No, by Allah, this is the opportunity for humiliation. Woe to you, O Huyay, you are a bad omen. Leave us alone.” But Huyay kept trying to persuade him until he agreed to his request. He laid down the condition that if the Confederates went away without doing anything, he(Huyay)would join them in their stronghold and would share their fate. When Banu Qurayzah broke their covenant and news of this reached the Messenger of Allah, he and the Muslims were very distressed by that. When Allah helped him by suppressing his enemy and driving them back disappointed and lost, having gained nothing, the Messenger of Allah returned to Al-Madinah in triumph and the people put down their weapons.Tafsir Ibn Kathir-Quran 33:26-27
Archangel Gabriel, on the very day the Messenger of Allah, came back to Madinah after the previous battle, and while he was washing in Umm Salama’s house, visited him asking that he should unsheathe his sword and head for the habitation of the seditious Banu Quraiza and fight them.
Gabriel noted that he with a procession of angels would go ahead to shake their forts and cast fear in their hearts. The Messenger of Allah, immediately summoned the prayer caller and ordered him to announce fresh hostilities against Banu Quraiza, institued Ibn Umm Maktum as a ruler of Madinah, and entrusted the banner of war to ‘AH bin Abi Talib who marched towards the appointed target and came close enough to hear the Jews abusing the Messenger of Allah, who on his part set out at the head of three thousand infantry men and thirty horsemen of Ansar (Helpers) and Muhajireen (Emigrants).
On their way to encounter the enemy, the afternoon prayer was due. Some Muslims refused to observe it until they had defeated the enemy, while others offered it in its proper time, as usual. The Prophet objected to neither. When they reached the habitations of Banu Quraiza, they laid tight siege to their forts.
Seeing this terrible situation they were in, the chief of the Jews Ka’b bin Asad offered them three alternatives:
to embrace Islam, and consequently their life, wealth, women and children would be in full security, and reminded them that such behavior would not be incongruous with what they had read in their books about the veracity of Muhammad’s Prophethood; to kill their children and women and then challenge the Prophet, and his followers to the sword to either exterminate the Muslims or be exterminated, or as a third possibility to take Muhammad and his people by surprise on Saturday — a day mutually understood to witness no fighting.The Sealed Nectar pg.321
This clearly explains that the Muslims were betrayed, and those that were once the Prophets Allies were now fighting with the enemy. Now, this was a war of course, and due to the betrayal the prophet had to make decisions that were best for the Muslim people:
He decided that all the able-bodied male persons belonging to the tribe should be killed, women and children taken prisoners and their wealth divided among the Muslim fighters. The Prophet accepted his judgement saying that Sa’d had adjudged by the Command of Allah. In fact, the Jews deserved that severe punitive action for the ugly treachery they had harbored against IslamThe Sealed Nectar pg.323
Those men who fought were of an older age, none of them were below 15 years of age:
حَدَّثَنَا عُبَيْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ سَعِيدٍ، حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو أُسَامَةَ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنِي عُبَيْدُ اللَّهِ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنِي نَافِعٌ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنِي ابْنُ عُمَرَ ـ رضى الله عنهما ـ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم عَرَضَهُ يَوْمَ أُحُدٍ وَهْوَ ابْنُ أَرْبَعَ عَشْرَةَ سَنَةً، فَلَمْ يُجِزْنِي، ثُمَّ عَرَضَنِي يَوْمَ الْخَنْدَقِ وَأَنَا ابْنُ خَمْسَ عَشْرَةَ فَأَجَازَنِي. قَالَ نَافِعٌ فَقَدِمْتُ عَلَى عُمَرَ بْنِ عَبْدِ الْعَزِيزِ وَهْوَ خَلِيفَةٌ، فَحَدَّثْتُهُ هَذَا الْحَدِيثَ، فَقَالَ إِنَّ هَذَا لَحَدٌّ بَيْنَ الصَّغِيرِ وَالْكَبِيرِ. وَكَتَبَ إِلَى عُمَّالِهِ أَنْ يَفْرِضُوا لِمَنْ بَلَغَ خَمْسَ عَشْرَةَ.
Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) called me to present myself in front of him or the eve of the battle of Uhud, while I was fourteen years of age at that time, and he did not allow me to take part in that battle, but he called me in front of him on the eve of the battle of the Trench when I was fifteen years old, and he allowed me (to join the battle).” Nafi` said, “I went to `Umar bin `Abdul `Aziz who was Caliph at that time and related the above narration to him, He said, “This age (fifteen) is the limit between childhood and manhood,” and wrote to his governors to give salaries to those who reached the age of fifteen.Sahih al-Bukhari 2664
حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ كَثِيرٍ، أَخْبَرَنَا سُفْيَانُ، أَخْبَرَنَا عَبْدُ الْمَلِكِ بْنُ عُمَيْرٍ، حَدَّثَنِي عَطِيَّةُ الْقُرَظِيُّ، قَالَ كُنْتُ مِنْ سَبْىِ بَنِي قُرَيْظَةَ فَكَانُوا يَنْظُرُونَ فَمَنْ أَنْبَتَ الشَّعْرَ قُتِلَ وَمَنْ لَمْ يُنْبِتْ لَمْ يُقْتَلْ فَكُنْتُ فِيمَنْ لَمْ يُنْبِتْ .
Narrated Atiyyah al-Qurazi: I was among the captives of Banu Qurayzah. They (the Companions) examined us, and those who had begun to grow hair (pubes) were killed, and those who had not were not killed. I was among those who had not grown hairSunan Abi Dawud 4404
So, no children were harmed, only those at the age for war who were “able-bodied” had to be dealt with in order to protect the Muslim people. As for women, only one had suffered the penalty of death during this battle, and it was due to her killing another Muslim:
Only one woman of the Jews was killed because she had killed a Muslim warrior by flinging a grinding stone upon him. A few elements of the enemy embraced Islam and their lives, wealth and children were spared.The Sealed Nectar pg.323
What you have been shown are all of the supposed “violent war verses” in Islam. Now, with the context, you should have a better understanding of why these verses came to be, and you should understand that the Muslims were simply fighting back in self-defense against those trying to persecute and kill them.